▸ ...sad day today as Blackwell Fire Department has called off the public search for the missing high school students, June Fairweather and Colin Winters. It's been nearly two weeks since the teens turned up missing from a Halloween party off Bower St, and local efforts to locate the missing pair have come up dry. Parents, friends, and family have said that though they will keep up hope, there is only so much they can do, and they appreciate the efforts of all those involved. [it cuts to a pre-recorded audio clip from an interview with the fairweather girl's teary mother, attempting to sound grateful for the help from the community even though nothing has been found]...

▸ ...GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE-- the turkeys are rolling in down at Hamm's Butchery! Anyone dressed as our favorite meat-y friend gets a ten percent discount!

▸ Stinky Hefty Stinky Hefty Stinky? Stinky. Hefty Hefty Hefty Stinky Stinky Stinky Hefty! Hefty! Hefty!

▸ --e establishment of Red Robin would like to announce that anyone found attempting to climb the building's rooftop will be immediately arrested. All personal belongings left now belong to our local police department and can be collected there.

▸ The Game Cave and world-renowned WILLIAM ORRELL will be having a speed stacking competition this Friday night in place of our usual Magic event.

▸ Come visit Joe this Saturday night down at Rainbow Lanes! Mention Joe and get a discount on nachos. Go Joe! Joehasnotbeeninformedofthispromotionandwewouldlikeittostaythatway.

▸ And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.